trip to FL, round 2

So... he left last night to go see her again. I saw him briefly Friday morning as he picked Logan up for school, but no words were exchanged between us. I didn't email or text him all day... no "please be careful" like the last time he left on a flight to go see her. Nothing. I was at a friend's house til 1am Friday night, which helped pass the time. I wasn't sitting home looking at the clock wondering if he'd landed yet... wondering if she was jumping into his arms yet.  I feel so.... disconnected from the situation this time. I'd like to say I've hardly thought of the fact that he's there, but that's not completely true. I'm aware that he's there.... that he's with her.... trying to "work things out", but I simply don't care as much this time for some reason. I mean, I know time heals all... but I worry about the fact that I feel nothing. I haven't cried. I haven't really even felt sad. I'm not sure what all this means.

I did learn of a fact that has me a bit disturbed. I knew that he'd told him mom that if he went down there again and this didn't work out... that she still didn't feel the same way for him.. that he was going to come back "very depressed". That, in itself, is upsetting.... trying to figure out just how depressed he would be. Would he do something stupid? Then I find out he told his mom that he left his extra car key in a drawer at her house (where he's staying) and the name of the lot where his car is parked at the airport.. in case she needs to know for any reason. What does that mean?? He didn't do that last time. 

So if anything, I'm not concerned with the fact that he's having an affair. I'm more worried about just how selfish his actions might prove to be should this woman reject him. You can be the most selfish prick ever in our relationship... but damn you, don't you DARE be that selfish to your children. They've done nothing to deserve your permanent absence in their lives. Please.... please let them be in your heart and mind, regardless of what happens.