Monday, January 5, 2009

why does it have to hurt so bad???

Why do I hurt so bad?? How can I hate him so much?? The only reasoning that sticks is because I love him so deeply. I'm carrying his second child. The one created by love not more than 6 months ago. He made love to me not more than 2 months ago... and yet today... today.. at this very minute.. his heart aches for her. Her 24 year old Floridian self who doesn't even share the same "sparks" that he does. It hurts beyond explanation that he could care so much for someone who doesn't even feel the same way about him... over caring for me.. the woman he's built a life with over the last 14 years. I must've been a monster to him.
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1 comment:

  1. bloggingapesJanuary 6, 2009 at 9:37 AM

    Denise the only monster is that in himself at this moment.
    That monster isnt you. Hes lost, hes cold and hes just not right - not right now.
    You on the other hand, are being normal. Your thoughts feelings and emotions are absolutely on target. You dont have him - you hate who he is being. Hes not being the man YOU LOVE(D).

    Depression does odd things to people.... add in all the influences you have had to face, and hes sure to me a mess, as will you all be.
    But I assure you --- the flood gates will open, it will be washed away and someday the sun will shine again.

    (( Hugs )).

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